I have just gone through the longest moment of solitude in my life. 358 days to be exact. It’s not that I was literally alone for such a long time. However, I did get plenty of time being on my own. It happened in Manchester. And it changed my life in the very best way possible.
I can now conclude that for at least once in our life we have to try living on our own, away from home. Be it overseas or just some hundreds miles in distance. Because, to me, that experience is priceless. It makes me think a lot about my life. It encourages me to finally figure out what I can do – what I can achieve. And apparently I can achieve so much in life. It leads me to what I really want in my life. “So this is what I want, I will work hard for it, no one’s ever gonna stop me and I will live the life I admire.”
It doesn’t stop there. A moment of solitude makes me understand myself better. Who I really am, what my strengths are, what my weaknesses are. It makes me grow. I realised being ignorance and avoiding conflict all the time isn’t good, so I tried to confront people with my opposite point of view. I pushed myself to its limit. I knew it’s going to be either a success or a failure but I wasn’t afraid of any. I made a decision on my own while normally I would ask damn lot of people to help me.
Through a moment of solitude, I realised that I have so much friends. But only a few of them I am truly comfortable with. It’s a Mal de Coucou. Therefore I keep my inner circle quite small yet I befriended everyone. It’s good to finally figured out true good friends that I want to keep forever.
Being alone (especially not lonely), one can finally do everything for his/her own sake. I exercise not to look good in front of people nor to fit on a special dress but just because I love myself best when I’m 52kg. I read a book not to impress others but merely because I love learning something new. I dress up and put on some make up because I deserve to look gorgeous. I go on a hike not because it’s cool but because my adventurous soul needs it. I pray on the one third of the night not because people say my wishes will be granted but because I know I need to have that sacred conversation with God. Just me and Him.
Finally, and Most importantly, all solitary moments that I have been through in the past 358 days has led me to a very peaceful heart. I’m at ease most of the time now. Once in a while I feel worried about the uncertainty, but quickly I rise again. I live this life knowing that I’m on the right track. I accept my life believing that no plans are bettter than God’s plans. Being alone, i felt God’s presence. I felt His blessings, His love, His rescue, and His company every single second of my life and especially through the toughest moment. Therefore I’m at peace. Cause with Him by my side, I become an unstoppable force.
Moment of solitude has outgrew me. I feel so content though I may not have much. And I do believe that I will reach for more great things in life. As I have done great things for myself, it’s now time to do great things for others too. I’m now done with my moment of solitude (I will definitely still have a me-time moment to reflect everyday, though). Maybe now it’s your turn?
♥ Atiqah Zulfa Nadia