Membentuk Manusia

Satu hal yang bikin aku akhirnya yakin memilih bapaknya anak-anak adalah karena kita berdua bisa casually ngobrol tentang mendidik anak bahkan sebelum menikah. Buatku, salah satu tujuan menikah ya untuk membangun peradaban baru. Jadi ini poin penting banget untuk make sure visi dan ‘cara bermain’ kita sama.

Minggu kemarin, over coffee, lagi-lagi kita ngobrol soal anak. Ada cerita seorang temannya Jihan yang jadi trigger diskusi. Dan kita pun come up dengan 3 pertanyaan.

Gimana anak dari lingkungan yang baik bisa melakukan hal-hal buruk? Dan gimana anak dari lingkungan yang buruk bisa kemudian punya value yang baik? Lalu gimana caranya agar value kebaikan (dalam hal ini termasuk nilai-nilai) agama dipegang oleh anak bukan karena dipaksa melainkan karena kesadarannya sendiri?

Ya memang urusan hidayah itu sepenuhnya di tangan Allah ya.. tapi namanya orang tua pasti mau mengusahakan yang terbaik. Salah satu tugas kita, kan, membentuk anak-anak agar kelak mereka ngga sama kita lagi, tetap bisa survive dan selamat dunia akhirat.

Pada akhirnya diskusi mengarah ke tiga hal yang menurutku dan Jihan penting..

Yang pertama, untuk membentuk manusia yang baik, soleh/solehah adalah dengan menjadi orang tua yang soleh. Belajar dan terus memperbaiki diri, supaya bener-bener bisa jadi contoh.

Kedua adalah dengan memilihkan lingkungan yang baik. Kemarin kita sempet diskusi juga, sampai kapan sih harus mengarahkan anak tentang pergaulannya? Kita sepakat bahwa sampai mereka besar pun, kita harus kenal siapa sahabat anak-anak. Tapi untuk memilih siapa temannya, kita percaya semakin besar mereka semakin bisa memilih dengan baik. Kuncinya ketika masih kecil, kita arahkan.. kita bimbing supaya lekat dengan teman-teman yang baik. Dan keterusan deh, jadi nyaman dan prefer untuk selalu ada di lingkungan orang baik. Ngga nyaman di lingkungan yang ngga sesuai value agama.

Kesimpulan ketiga adalah menjaga solat itu penting. Sesuai pengalaman kita, solat menjadi salah satu penyebab anak bisa senantiasa ada di lingkungan yang baik. Aku flashback ke masa-masa ospek seharian yang melalui beberapa waktu solat. Karena aku mau solat, otomatis aku mencari teman yang juga sama-sama mencari mushola. Di mushola pun jadi bertemu teman baru. Begitu pun waktu di Manchester, mencari teman yang sama-sama solat akhirnya membawa aku ke lingkungan pengajian di sana. Sesuai haditsnya, solat mencegah perbuatan keji kan.. jadi insya Allah dengan menjaga solat, bisa menjaga perbuatan juga.

Kira-kira itu hasil diskusinya, berat tapi lumayan, sambil ngopi di pagi hari. Semoga Allah mudahkan dalam menjalaninya.. aamiin



The Why and The How

Selalu ada dua sisi dalam suatu persoalan.

Those sides might be: the one focus on why it happen and the one that focus on how we can solve it. There is absolutely no right or wrong, which side you’re in. Tapi ada kalanya, satu sisi lebih bijak dari sisi yang lain.

Pada saat masalah berlangsung, fokus pada penyelesaian agaknya lebih bijak. We need immediate action to get everything normal – or back in place. Kalau di isu-isu kerjaan, sering denger mungkin istilah fire fighting. Ya begitu kira-kira. Di situ ada api, di situ kita siram. Done.

Kalau api masih berkobar dan kita sibuk dengan segala asumsi dan pikiran tentang kenapa bisa kebakaran, terlalu lama prosesnya dan bisa-bisa api makin menyebar. Plus nyebelin juga, sih. Coba bayangin, ada rumah kebakar dan warga lagi sibuk nyiramin. Tau-tau ada yang nanya-nanya “kenapa nih kok kebakaran? Ada yang lupa matiin kompor ya? Rumah siapa nih yang korslet?” Apa ngga ikutan diguyur tuh dia sama warga?

Setelah masalahnya berhasil diselesaikan, bisa fokus di pertanyaan kenapa sesuatu bisa terjadi. Gunanya agar bisa tau penyebab utama persoalan dan bisa melakukan mitigasi bahkan pencegahan supaya ngga terulang lagi di kemudian hari. Kalau istilah kerennya RCPS, root cause problem solving.

Jadi why and how ini sama-sama diperlukan sebetulnya. Tapi pada porsinya dan pada momen yang tepat. Kalau kebalik, bisa bikin runyam suasana. Walaupun kita semua kayaknya memang punya kecenderungan, lebih ke how atau lebih ke why. Perlu dilatih aja agar bisa balance penerapannya.


What Stays the Same

I have been scrolling down through my old blog since the afternoon. It brings me nostalgic kind of feeling.. I have been blogging since 2011 and there were just so many things, so many stories and feelings. I can’t help myself to smile.

One thing I realize is that other than the style of my writing, everything else stays the same. I often talk about happiness and life. I always write a birthday post (except on my 22nd birthday, I don’t know why). Porridge still is my favorite food. Airport has always been one of my favorite places on earth. I was more open back then, I wrote pretty much in daily basis and I talked a lot about my life – which I actually still do, but I now wrap it differently.

After all, it’s good to know that some things stay the same and remain unchanged 🙂

❤️ Atiqah Zulfa Nadia

Etiquette for the 20s

Since several years ago, I have been continuously reminding myself to always be polite to anyone. It requires only three magic words, which I believe everyone already know: sorry, please, and thank you. I heard that saying sorry too often is unnecessary. But still, we gotta say it when we gotta say it. Like the song lyric, ‘sorry seems to be the hardest word’, not everyone can easily let the word slip out of their mouths. Just recently, I learned that our everyday etiquette has evolved. There are more things we have to bear in mind when we interact with other people (this include when we post something to our social media feed, isn’t that how we interact nowadays?). I got three additional things, at least. Tell me if you got more!

First thing first is easy. Post or share wisely. I’m still working on this part, honestly. I know exactly the feeling of wanting to share many good (and bad) things on social media. When we’re happy, we want everyone to see. We want to share the happiness, don’t we? And when we’re sad, we kind of want to grab the attention of people who care (or pretend to be so). Since it’s my social media, it is up to me. My full authority. I can post anything, as much as I like. But then, I have people who are watching me. Have I think about them and how they feel? Actually, one of my good friend is the one who told me about this and I always remember what she said. This is more or less what she told me “People are going through different stuffs in life.. let’s say, you just got married. You post 5 pictures on your wedding day, and then 2 pictures of how happy you are with your significant other each day consecutively. You might think you’re doing okay, you’re happy and you want to share it. But maybe, one or two or some of your friends on your social media are having a lifetime crisis of finding their true love. Have you thought of how would your abundant posts of love story make them feel? They aren’t necessarily sad. Maybe they get jealous. Or anything.” There is actually a debate about what she said, people argued “Well, you should be happy for the newlywed. You being jealous is your problem, not theirs. Don’t blame them.” and so on. The point here is to be considerate, as simple as that, because not everyone really want to see the story of our life everyday. This isn’t only about the quantity of our post, but also how we share it (the caption, the words we use, how we deliver the message, etc.). And this isn’t only about sharing on social media. This kind of etiquette also applies when we’re having a conversation with someone. Have you ever had a friend who just got engaged or who just got a boy or a girlfriend and they talk about it all the time? If not, just imagine how would that make you feel. So, be considerate.

Second one is actually based on my short survey. I asked a question to some of my friends and made a conclusion. We all are a member of some groups in our messaging apps, aren’t we? Sometimes we ask something to the group, hoping that someone would know the answer. For example, I ask someone’s number to a group: “Does anyone know X’s number?” Sometimes I got an answer, sometimes all I got is a silence. I definitely understand that silence means no one knows. But why don’t people bother to answer ‘I don’t know’ anymore? So I did this survey: “Would you prefer to get an ‘I don’t know’ or a silence?” and all the responses I got are get an ‘I don’t know’. Therefore, from now on, it’s better for us to make a bit of an effort to type I don’t know rather than stay quiet. Help other people feel appreciated.

This is the last thing, which actually kind of similar to the first one. I actually read this from my friend’s post on Path. This is again about interacting with someone, especially those you haven’t met for a quite long time. Rather than asking ‘where do you work now?’ or ‘have you got kids?’, it is better to ask ‘what’s your daily activity now?’ or ‘what’s your plan for the near future?’. The latter questions will develop more conversation and are less judgmental. The first two questions kind of give some pressure to the person you ask. Less likely that they will be open to us after hearing those questions. And, be careful of the response we give to their answer. Be excited about it.

So, those are three additional points of etiquette I learned and I really try to apply. They weren’t there before. They just came when I grew older (more mature, I mean), when life gets messier and full of unnecessary expectations from the society.

Have a good weekend, guys.


♥ Atiqah Zulfa Nadia

Alternative YouTube Channels to Watch

YouTube is basically our television now. Ever since I live in a flat with no television, YouTube has become the source of entertainment. Not only because several television channels also put the recordings of their show on YouTube but also because there are many interesting channels made by the so-called YouTubers or vloggers.

I chose watching YouTube because the videos are mostly short, around 20-30 minutes at maximum. So, when I get bored in the middle of my work (essays and now dissertation), I can watch a video for a while and then get back to my work. I can play it on my laptop or my phone. No hassle, no pop up ads, very convenient.

Lately, since the phenomenal Indonesian teenager’s lengthy confession video (I almost watch every single video of her), I have been suggested to watch many other vlogs from Indonesia. Out of curiosity, I watched some of them. Some are okay, some are boring, some are great. One thing I notice, most of them do not add value to our life and they have the same content. The Q&A session, the TMI tag, the room tour. They are basically the same and they do not enrich our knowledge. One thing I know more from watching those videos is about their life.

So, I decided that from now on I should watch more worthy videos on YouTube. I might still watch the daily vlogger’s videos but not as much as before. Guess what? There are also plenty of good channels on YouTube which will make us smarter. This way, I won’t feel like wasting my time on YouTube.

Here are 5 worthy YouTube channel we all should watch more (disclaimer: this list is based on my interests, so you might like it and you might not):


I found this channel just now. But this channel is great, especially for those who love traveling and learning about cultures. Basically, it’s a documentary channel. It brings up a rare yet interesting issue, like living goddess, bride market, and feminist cult. The videos are well created, it’s just like watching NatGeo Adventure. Love it!

Everyday Food

Perhaps most of you have known that I’m very passionate at cooking. So, cooking channel is obviously one of my favorite channels on YouTube. This channel has plenty of videos, from recipes, tips, and how-to videos. What I love the most is the Kitchen Conundrums videos. Not only because the host is attractive but also because failure is inevitable in my journey of cooking. Kitchen Conundrums tells me why my brownies is not fudgy enough or how to make the perfect caramel. It’s really easy to understand and very fun to watch.

Michelle Phan

She’s my first beauty guru. I started watching YouTube because of here make-up channel. She’s also my idol because now she’s an entrepreneur too. Michelle has a lot of creative looks on her channel. Now she also creates DIY videos, travel videos, and non-beauty tips videos. Yet, her main content is still about beauty. I basically like the way she talks and how she explains the step-by-step in her tutorial videos. Plus, she’s really creative in video editing. It’s a whole new experience.


Yeah I know, probably most of you have known TED and you have acknowledged how good this channel is. The content is very diverse, we can choose a topic that we’re interested in. Most, if not all, of the videos are motivating and inspiring. TED is just so popular, it even came to my uni in Manchester to give a live talk several times. Just check this channel out if you haven’t!


Again, this is a culinary-related channel. But it’s not too specific on cooking. The channel is taking us on a trip to taste food from all over the world. It also has several how-to videos. But if you’re not that keen on cooking, you will have other stuffs to enjoy. This channel will make you droll.

Those are five excellent YouTube channels that I recommend.

But, I know we need fun too. So, here’s several fun channels to watch:

Fung Bros

It’s a YouTube channel by Andrew and David, Asians who live in the USA. They make videos about plenty of things. From NBA, street style, to food. My favorite is the one about food. It really makes me droll. They’re funny and their videos are very fun to watch. Sometimes they got some useful tips as well.

This is an Indonesian channel. They’re pretty informative too, to be honest. The way they discuss something is different, funny, and unique. Sometimes in a sarcastic way but they wrap it in such way it becomes funny. The interesting part is that although I know it’s stupid (what they try to deliver on their videos), I can pretty much relate it to the real life.

Yuka Kinoshita

You just won’t believe if this skinny Japanese girl eats a hell lot of food at once. Mukbang is a trending video nowadays (check out how Munchies cover this topic on it’s channel). It’s basically a self-video of eating food. Yes, the whole video you’re going to watch someone eating her/his food until it’s finished. There are many people making Mukbang but what I personally like about Yuka is because she eats A LOT. For example, six packs of Indomie goreng at once. Or 20 portions of doner kebab. Or 4kg of curry. Yet she stays skinny. Wonder why?


That’s in total 8 YouTube channels that I can recommend you. (Well, not to mention that I quite often watch Jovi Hunter’s, Chase Aime’s, Andra Alodita’s and Han Yoo Ra’s channel too..). I hope you now have some better options on YouTube. Remember guys, if we have to waste our time, we need to waste it wisely.


♥ Atiqah Zulfa Nadia